It is way too early to be up, considering the day ahead of me! But sometimes you have that moment of wakefulness when the tapes start running before you can stop them, and voila! Here are my 4 AM mind wanderings:
I should have kept some of those big trash bags-I need at least 2 to pack the linens for traveling..oh, god, it just occurred to me we’re NEVER going to be able to fit the inflatable mattress in the car, we’re taking too much stuff and there’s no time to repack..I didn’t make time to say goodbye to someone very important to me…my throat is hurting-am I getting sick? Am I just over-tired? I am sooo tired, exhausted really. Maybe its all the emotions of leaving-is that better than actually being sick? Is the closing going to go alright? That stain on the carpet looks bigger than it was-will that keep the house from selling? Will we have enough money to do this? and on, and on, and on….
So, here I am. Its 5 AM now–do I know where my children are? Do I know where my brain is? How about my energy? Yesterday, for me, was a day of holding back the weepies-its all hitting home now. Still very excited to be heading west with Handsome Husband-we love being together and have never had the time we want-but sad too, to be leaving this wonderful community of daughters that has been built over the last years. I love seeing that Tapestries of Hope is growing-our future is solid with the staff on board, and the passion is there. It is hard, though. TOH has been my baby-I have created and instituted programs, I have facilitated groups for the past decade, I have seen women from the community respond to us, and connect with other daughters through our groups, our monthly events, our pre-Mother’s day gathering. We have done health fairs, women’s health conferences-its been an amazing trip! The work has been hard, lord knows there’s been a lot of it, and not all of it has been my forte (organizing finances comes to mind) but I stayed pretty much on top of things. I changed from a woman lacking confidence in leading to being comfortable in the role, I learned to market, I learned from so many mentors along the way, and I thank them for that. But by far the best part has been all of you, our community of daughters. You have allowed me, through our groups, through our friendships, to keep my mom’s name alive, to heal, to grow. If you take the impact you say I’ve had on you, and multiply it by all the daughters who have been in my groups and other events, you will know the impact you have all had on me!
Time to start my day, I suppose. Its raining of course! Behind the sound of the rain I can hear the birds chirping as they waken-that was a sound my mom loved. I’m seeing one more of my friends today-Stacey-also our real estate agent. She will, of course, be at the closing. And when I say goodbye to her, prior to our really, truly leaving, those tears are just going to fall. She will be, for me, all of you whom I’ve come to love. Is this a Bob Hope moment when I say “thanks for the memories?” I do-very much! I thank you for the memories, the love and support and friendship, the moments when you cried, the moments when I cried, for the moments when I knew I could look my mom in the eyes, were she here, and tell her that I did what she expected of me, and that was to pay it forward.
You do the same…
your angel sister, Alison, daughter of Betty Catharine