FINALLY, to Philly and the Hand Surgery Ctr today for our appointment. Obviously here, I am using the royal “we” because it is my lovely and loving husband who has the tumor on his wrist, not I. And he is handling all of this much better than I, emotionally. Must be his military background…..
The doc did seem concerned at the rapid growth of the tumor, so I am happy to say that he is being very proactive about it. (as he was saying “let’s get you in and take care of that right away”, I was thinking “that’s excellent that he is being so quick about it, he’s obviously concerned-but is that a good thing that he is being so quick about it and so obviously concerned? Does that mean that there really is cause for concern? Should I be worried more than I am?) But I’m trying NOT to be worried at all-I need to be in the moment, and we don’t know anything anyways, and….and….and…..and my mind is off and running-
We truly don’t know anything, and the doc DID seem confident that long-term is good. Before he could even really tell us anything, Handsome Husband looked across to him and, taking my hand, said “you have to know, my wife already has me cremated”, which made the doc smile, and he DID reassure us that he foresees a long future for this man I love more than anything. So that’s good. But what I heard, too, was the tests he wants done to rule OUT cancer, in the chest/lungs, and in the bone. Which is good-but you know how sometimes you just hear selectively? He would have other symptoms going on if there was cancer somewhere, right? Unless the symptoms just aren’t showing yet. (Yes, this is my mind, and yes, its’ exhausting!)
I am clearly a Gemini-two thoughts, usually opposing, going on at the same time. “OMG-its cancer somewhere”, and, “Of course it isn’t anything”. And both, at the moment, are true in my mind. Why borrow trouble? Nothing is known, so we might as well think nothing but positive. And part of me is all over that. And the other part, equally divided in two, is saying “To throw up, or not to Throw Up……”