My brain, NOT on drugs~

I’m thinking of that commercial about the brain, where they show the egg, and then show your brain on drugs. Thank goodness I’m not on drugs-my brain is already nuts enough in this past week!  Here’s how it works:
Handsome Husband had his chest xray, and his bone scan yesterday.  They will be faxed over to Dr Culp to see prior to the surgery. These were ordered to rule out the tumor in Handsome’s wrist being a “metz” so to speak, from somewhere else.  Nobody has read them yet, but Handsome Husband has a copy of each.  And, there is a shadow on each of his lungs, and a very defined shadow in his right knee.  The tumor in his wrist is very fast growing, in circumference, and height.  It is red and warm to the touch-clearly his body is trying to fight something off.  At the beginning of the week, there was a pressure/tightness in his arm; in the last two days it is now painful to the elbow, which isn’t surprising, as tendons/muscles are involved.  That’s why we won’t know anything until after the surgery, as to whether he will need therapy-the dr can’t tell how much muscle/tendon is involved, so won’t know how much he needs to remove.  The tumor will be entirely removed and sent for biopsy, and we’ll hopefully know fairly quickly whether it is benign or cancerous.
So, them’s the facts.  Realistically, we know nothing.  I have two sides of my brain working, in true Gemini fashion, and they both seem able to operate efficiently at the same time.  The one side is saying, of course it isn’t anything.  He has no other symptoms, he is healthy.  Even if it IS something, it has clean lines, and is encapsulated.  They’ll remove it and that will be it- some therapy at the most.  And I’m very calm about the whole thing.  Nothing is known, no use in speculating, don’t borrow trouble, etc…
Other brain:  Lord knows, we all know that cancers can appear out of nowhere all the time.  Been there, done that.  So that means that this CAN be something.  And what I heard the dr say was that he wanted to rule OUT lung cancer/bone cancer.  Why would he say that if he didn’t have a suspicion?  And then shadows showed up on each of those.  People can appear completely healthy one day, and BOOM! cancer the next day and their entire life changes.  But of course it isn’t anything, and you know WHY?  Because I”m going in for an ovarian biopsy next week (some cysts dr wants to check out) and I’ll end up being the one with cancer-that’s how it happens all the time.  Handsome Husband will be the false scare, I’ll be the real one.   But I don’t want to think that way, and I don’t want to worry our kids, but I’ve always been honest with them, so I’m giving them the facts and just a little more as far as my concerns, but not too much.  And, well, blah, blah, blah….
All of the while my brain is going like this, I am overwhelmed with the love and support of all of my angel sisters and our friends here in NJ, who are all reaching out to us, and friends from around the country who are reaching out to us-and we don’t even KNOW anything-except that we aren’t alone in any way, and that is the one thing I DO know for sure-
By next week this time, all will be revealed, and I hang on to that-

Talk to me~

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