these magical moments of the ICU…

Ahh, the hisses and whines of various machines attached to my most beloved husband as I sit bedside of him in the ICU!  Today was a verrrryy long day, and I am seeing the true benefits of adrenalin.  At some point I’m certain to crash-more than likely later in the day after getting things done.  Right now I’m simply reveling in the fact that Wilson, that hated intruder, is gone, gone, gone, and the chances of his return are small, smaller, and none!  Surgery day today-it took forever to get here, as we lived each day, but I fully realize in the scheme of time, it was nothing but a hiccup.  My shoulders feel like they have finally relaxed, I have breathed, I know, for the first time since last November, and perhaps I will find my sense of fun again.  Perhaps life will be normal again?  Yes, yes, yes, it will!  The cancer is gone, Dr Lackman is convinced as he can be that it will not return. and the further fantastic news is that the tumor wasn’t as deeply entrenched as thought, so he didn’t have to touch muscle, nerve, or tendon.  He took blood vessels and skin, and it was a 10 hour surgery, only because Handsome’s veins were so small that not only did he have to try 3 times to be able to do what he needed to do, but, instead of special glasses that he always wears to do this intricate work, he had to use a microscope.  But, ultimately, mission accomplished! There will be an outpatient surgery 5 days after going home, and another outpatient surgery 3 months from now to thin out the skin of his wrist, which was taken from his thigh, but all manageable!

So, I sit here, listening on my IPOD to John Lennon singing “Yesterday” and think about yesterday, and the fear, and the anxiety, and my today, filled with Rescue Remedy, and busy-ness, and juggling texts, phone calls and emails from concerned family and friends, and finally being able to touch this man I love so much at midnight of this too long day, and I think of our tomorrows, which we have, and for which I am eternally grateful.  And, looming over all else, besides this deep gratitude that sears into my very soul, is the acknowledgement of how love really is all there is in this world-it is the only thing that matters, and it comes from people who make up our daily lives, and who have been in our lives for many years and short years, those who are related by blood, and those who are related by heart strings, of which there are so, so, many.  I still don’t know how to pray, but when I say “thank you’ it from the deepest part of my heart and it echoes loudly throughout this wide Universe, and, I hope, connects to the hearts of all those who have been our strength through this.  My cup runneth over…

My yesterday's and my tomorrow's...


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