We’re in Oklahoma this evening, outside Tulsa. Handsome Husband’s sister is good company and I’m so grateful to have her with me. She and I have shared memories of Handsome Husband, his early life as her brother, his later life as my husband, his time in hospice. Together we watched video of his final moments that I took-so hard to do but so necessary in some ways. We’re grieving together and she’s helping me get my feet back into the travel thing so that when I set out on my own for New Jersey, it hopefully won’t be quite as tough emotionally.
These are hard days-I miss Handsome Husband more than words will ever be able to say. I miss him sitting next to me in the car, his hand on my leg, my hand behind his back as he drives. I miss leaning over to him to offer a kiss just because. I miss seeing new sights with him. I miss his energy, his presence, his love, his arms around me, his love enveloping me.
I miss him.
My new pink car is getting comments from all over as I’m on the road and I love it because it gives me the opportunity to talk about Handsome Husband, our travels and our love story. Ultimately, the story-telling will be healing, I know that. Having this pink car will lead to conversations in rest areas, in National Parks, anywhere and everywhere and that will keep me from isolating myself. That’s good.
And the conversations, as I drive along in this “Chuck Watchin’ Over Me’ pink, won’t be all in words. As people pass me along the roads (and I’m sticking to the main roads right now), they honk and wave. In Arizona, as I was driving to Flagstaff in the darkness of a rainy night, a car drove past and flashed their lights. Want to know how less alone that made me feel? A lot. And it mattered.
So, all of you dear readers out there on the road-if you see a beautiful creamy pink car in front of you or to the side, wave as you pass by, or honk. If its’ night time, flash your lights. I promise you I’ll wave back or flash my lights in return. Let’s get the love going out there on the roads-we’ll all be the better for it~