Haters Will Hate~but the Love Story Continues~

Hey, dear readers,  apparently I have just enough notoriety to merit negative emails and response posts on my Happily Homeless face book page!

I’m reminded of an episode of Seinfeld (I think it was that show), where Jerry had a stalker and his buddies were upset because they felt that they merited stalker status also, yet they didn’t have one of their own.  I’m not saying I have a stalker.  Just saying that there are a few people out there who don’t like me.  Wow.  Little ol’ me?

I’ve tossed around the idea of giving time to this but honestly, it kind of hits my funny bone and god knows I need some humor in my life amidst this fucking grief.  Oh, sorry.  I have an official hater who called me vulgar.  Apparently she doesn’t understand the placement of a well-placed “fuck” as an adjective.  Let me state here that I don’t use that word in anger, I don’t call people names but I do use it to emphasize strong feelings and emotions.  Ok?

Also, I believe in being up-front.  I didn’t block this particular person from my HH fb page because, well, she adds spice.  Or something.

Here’s her story as I understand it:  She, whoever she is, (her fb page identifies her as being a (probably) photo stock picture from North Dakota.  The rest of the story is that she bears an unhealthy attachment to Handsome Husband’s ex-wife, whom she accuses me of dissing on a continual basis.  What set her off was a picture that I posted of me and my husband on what would have been our 24th anniversary.   I included a caption that said words to the effect of he and I particularly appreciated our marriage and felt blessed to have found each other after having come through unhappy first marriages.  Horrors!  There was a very quick post in response, telling me that I’d insulted his first wife and that he had a life and family before he married me.  (in case I didn’t know?)

She also accused me of wanting to basically exploit my husband’s death by writing a book about my life with him and our Happily Homeless travels and his time in hospice and this new life I’m striving to create.  Exploit?  How does one exploit one’s own story by telling it to the world?

Here’s the thing.  When I write, I don’t write for drama.  I’ve always written because I love to write.  I need to get the words out of me and out there.  I’ve always written to touch base with friends and family about our travels and what Handsome Husband and I were doing and learning.  I wrote, when he went into hospice, to free the words from my heart and soul so that I wouldn’t implode (though I suspect this person would like to see that happen).   Since his death, I write because yeah, you know what?  Grief is not seen in our culture.  Those who grieve are given a short amount of time to go through it and then told to move on.   Once a few months pass, we’re expected to move on and kind of just keep it to yourself, okay?  Guess what?  It isn’t that easy and I’m putting a face on what grief is and using this forum as an educational tool and I’m not going away.  (Oh, she also was upset that people apparently don’t know that I am, as she put it, a grief expert.  Which I’m not-I was a grief facilitator-but thank you for the promotion and maybe I can quote you if I ever try to get a hospice job again which I can’t because I don’t have a degree.  Anyways.)

This blog, and my HH fb page, are my conduits to the world as I travel, both physically and emotionally. The physical roads, on my Odyssey of Love, and the emotional world, as I grieve my husband.  It’s a hard, painful, soul-wrenching, impossible, knife-slashing, world, this grief, full of tears and guts and blood and shrieking and love and remembering and yearning and desperation.

And I own it.  This is mine.  Not anyone else’s.

So, yes, I say to the haters out there.  I will blatantly state here that I fully intend to write a book about this life of mine with Handsome Husband.  I’m going to write about sharing my life with him, my love story with him, his death, my life now.  And I’m going to speak about it too, in lecture series and you tube videos and by being on the news and sharing my story and any other way I can do it.   Because I loved him then and love him still and that’s pretty much what’s on my mind.  To you, this person, let me freak you out even more.  I hope that someday this will be an entire career for me and that it will bring me an income (which, because I live in the real world, I, um..need).  Shocked yet?

I don’t understand the whys or the wherefores of why people have been, and continue to be, drawn to our story, the story of Happily Homeless, our love story and how I’m continuing it.  Clearly, it resonates with so many of you because, well, you’re here reading it and you talk to me out on the road and all of you tell me it does.

Handsome Husband would tell me to go for it.  He knew before he died that I would do something with this, that I would make it count somehow.   And, by god, I will.  Our love story won’t die with him.  Our love was….is….bigger than death.  I’m going to create such a life for myself, based on the love he and I had (sorry, hater, it isn’t based on the love he and his ex had), that he will, wherever he is, be applauding madly for me.

So….haters?

Go get your own love story.  And, because I don’t want to be vulgar, at least in this case, I’ll just say……go bless yourself~

P.S.  Here’s a picture of the two of us that should really bother you~ (gasp! He’s hugging me as if we’re happily married or something!)

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44 thoughts on “Haters Will Hate~but the Love Story Continues~

  1. I’m sorry that people don’t understand your very personal reasons for chronicling your journey through your survival. They need to lay down their bitterness after all of these years and allow you your peace.

    May you be protected throughout your travels.

  2. So sorry! Don’t take it to heart….nothing can diminish what you and HH had! Love you! Keep writing and inspiring us!

  3. You go girl! Proud of what you are doing. Your story is not only helping you grieve but helping people understand the grief process a little more. Reading about your love for Handsome husband makes me stop and appreciate mine a little more.

    Keep on doing what you are doing sister!

    Hugs

    Cindy #4004

  4. Yeah its jealousy… And if its your page, you can write whatever you want, and if you want to say fuck a million times, well, then too bad for her. Yes he was married before, but obviously it didn’t work out or he wouldn’t have been married to you! ..People are so weird…

  5. Wow! I love, love, love this essay! My Jimmy and I are traveling right now and this one REALLY made us laugh!!!! Thank you and look for my email. Hugs.

    • Karen,
      I’ve been in bed for 2 days, I’m bored and restless and grief is everywhere so I thought I’d light a fire somewhere. I also messaged her on fb with a link and a thank you for the love.

      Now isn’t the time for her to fling bullshit at me, you know what I mean?

      • Thank you! I do a session on grief and loss for my IOP clients and your blog has helped me to have more insight into the process of grief and loss. I’ve shared this blog with my colleagues as well and they love it! We all experience those emotions to some degree, yet you have managed to put a face on it and words to it that makes it so much easier to translate as a clinician.
        The haters have their lessons to teach as well. So I like the fact that you asked them to, ahem: bless themselves.
        Keep on keepin on. This is great stuff!

  6. Alison you absolutely rock, & you and HH’s love story is A-Maze-Zing! If the person has issues with your story then, ummmmmm….she def has issues. I haven’t seen her posts and if I had I would surely tell her off. Your life, your husband, your love story, your grief, your right to tell YOUR story. Your writing is awesome and you are helping so many others as you navigate your heart wrenching grief and as you continue on in your journey & in remembering and honoring HH. This person, this hater, does she realize that you have a huge love posse, & we don’t take kindly to her messing with you? 🙂 Keep on doing your thing…I know you will. 🙂 NBL<3

    • I like the term, Elaine-my love posse! And so I shall refer to it henceforth.

      You, dear girl, are my inspiration daily. I see you struggling, as I am, and I see you being honest and up front reference your grief.

      You and I, together, are putting a different face to this whole topic, a much needed one.

      Carry on, FWG~

  7. One phenomena of social media that never ceases to amaze me is the Negative Feedback. It’s simple: if you disagree or don’t like the commentary on a post – GO AWAY. You have the freedom to not visit the site as much as the writer has the freedom to post their thoughts, feelings, and views. Is this a great country or what?

    • I know! Just don’t look! That’s why I figure its either a mental illness, the ex-wife, or someone who knows her.

      Ultimately, who knows? And, more importantly-who cares!

      Viva freedom of speech!

  8. Hi Alison, #1 Hope you are feeling better and on the mend. #2 Could this person be the ex? Who ever it is don’t let them get under your skin. I know, easier said than done. #3 I and I think a lot of your followers so relate to you because we are dealing with our own grief.You have the talent of writing so well and can express what a lot of us are feeling. I lost my husband 1 year ago on Feb 20th, from brain cancer. He had a glioblastoma mediform brain tumor, He was sick for 3 years with no quality of life, less than 5% chance of survival. It destroys you not only physically but robs you of memory and your personality, your very being. We too traveled a lot, we had a motor home, been to every state except Alaska. I had to sell it for practical reasons. I so admire you for being able to continue to travel on your own..I’m still figuring out what to do with the rest of my life.

    • Alida,
      I wondered the same thing at one point-if it was his ex. I’d hate to think it is but who knows? In any case, she definitely isn’t worth my time, especially now that I messaged her the link to this blog piece.

      When we were in hospice in southern CA, a couple came in the day after we got there who were also full-timing on the road in their RV. Her husband died the day before Chuck and she called her brother-in-law to come help her drive it home. I can’t imagine that scenario.

      It took everything from me in the brief time that Chuck was ill-how exhausted you must still be after getting through your husband’s illness and death. Chuck was never a candidate for chemo but the radiation destroyed his system and when the cancer returned it was with such a vengeance that treatment wasn’t an option, though they did suggest it. I’m glad we called in hospice and they managed the pain as best they could, though they never fully mastered it. Which I think isn’t unusual. But, in the midst of it and with all of it, Chuck knew he was surrounded by, and immersed in, nothin’ but love. And that is why I’m continuing our love story.

      I’m so glad you’ve reached out to me, Alida. We aren’t alone~
      alison

  9. I share my blessings with this poor, bored, stupid, jealous little person… I meant little in mind and spirit if she is reading this….Love you!!!! I love you blog and your honesty.

    • Tersia,
      Grief has a way of stripping down what matters and what we spend our time on, doesn’t it?

      Across the many miles, my heart reaches out to yours.

      What is your grief like for you today?
      alison

  10. You are an amazing inspiration. I am one of those fortunate gals who met and fell in love with my wonderful husband later in life and now, after our first fifteen years together, we eagerly plan for the next! We are happy every day and smile all the time. When we disagree, we do so tenderly… kind of like getting “angry” with a ktten because he knocked over your last bowl of ice cream; you KNOW you adore this being and would rather hurt your own self/ego than make him insecure in your love for him.

    You are one of the people I now must add to my list of five TOP people I would love to sit down to lunch with one day. Why? Because if I don’t transition first, I will be a member of your unfortunate club one day, and I think your writings will be the hand that helps me walk through the ugly path back into some semblance of a clearing.

    Haters? Your strength, resolve and emotional growth probably confuse and even frighten them to tears! It’s all good, kind woman, it’s all good.

    • Carol,
      I’m so touched that you wrote to me here, and I thank you for sharing a bit of your own love story with me. I used to joke with my husband that we needed to sign a mutual suicide pact so that either of us wouldn’t have to live without the other. This has been, is, devastating to me, living without him, and it is only because of the love he left behind for me that I can get up each day.

      I’d very much appreciate sitting down to lunch with you-what state do you live in? I have some things to take care of in AZ for a few months then will set off across country again on my further mission in my Odyssey of Love.

      Thank you again for reaching out to me here~
      alison

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