Woman Under Construction

(from Rachael)

10526022_10153196416085400_8522764871573335025_nThe deep orange of the setting sun resonates with me this evening. My soul feels full of many questions, bits of anxiety, and flutters in the pit of my being. I find myself in a state of wonder. It comes most strongly each morning as I stand in the shower- which is no surprise to me as most of my thoughts seem to flow with the flow of the water. Also not surprising is the nervousness that accompanies these words- it’s palpable. These moments cause me to want to hide in a dark space as I try and understand it all. I am unwinding- knowing that there will soon be a time when I unfurl myself completely. It is ridden with excitement, curiosity, and fear of what is to become.

As I write these cryptic words I find it a challenge to fully express what resides in me, but know they must find a way to be written for they are words that my soul intuitively knows. They come through in the quiet noise that I often listen for. The stillness that graces moments of my surrounding chaos causes everything to slow- as if there was a world within a world. I observe these moments with acute awareness. This space is a fantastical world where everything and nothing exists- a place of listening, waiting, and discovery.

I want so desperately to live out loud, more passionately, and more colorfully. These depths are rising to the surface and I sense that they can no longer be ignored. My shift is happening. The flashes and waves are becoming more consistent. My soul is being flooded with a longing for something more…and yet the image conjured in my mind- an image of uprooting everything known for everything unknown leaves a sense of drowning.

And yet…

Things that once seemed incomprehensible flicker with foreign possibility. My roots are digging into the earth for nourishment. My soul burns, gathering courage to live into something wild. I am being stripped naked. I believe that life will continue to nudge me into being the most raw, beautiful, and authentic woman that I am capable of being. I believe that the universe will conspire to make sure I see all of the signs necessary for me to blossom and burst forth in such a way that love is the only way of being.

I am a woman under construction. It’s messy, takes a lot of work, there are multiple layers, and things will shift, crack, and break, but in the end I believe it will be quite a spectacular masterpiece.

Stay tuned…

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5 thoughts on “Woman Under Construction

  1. Such a beautiful way to describe your feelings. You have a gift of vivid expression which has drawn me in to hear part of your soul. As if I was right there next to you listening in vivo.

  2. you’re thoughts almost seem like mine! only you can put it all into words! I am in chaos right now as my layers shift….waiting, waiting for everything to fall into place….this process is long and I wish I had the time, like you to go on a journey away from the normal daily stuff….to shift and jolt and hit the ruts in the road to toss things about so that they fall into place….me, I feel I am lifting, pushing, heavy stuff about and it is hard…push, push, push…thank you for sharing your journey, maybe your words will speak to my soul and help it to push the ‘crap’ out and peal the layers back to reveal the raw beauty of my soul also. It is scary to be vulnerable.

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