This Friday I’m going to get my hair dredded. Those of you who have followed my blog for the past few years know that I’ve attempted this previously. You can read my blog of January 13, 2012, when Handsome Husband spent many hours one day working on my hair. It didn’t work at the time and I know now that there is a reason it didn’t. It wasn’t time.
After Handsome Husband died, I sheared my hair off to the scalp. The pain was too intense and I needed a way to express it. So off it came. My thinking was that maybe, by the time it grew out, the grief would be less intense.
The grief is as it was-its just gone a bit underground, I think. I can’t go about every day being openly upset, so its settled under my skin. It can’t always be contained and isn’t always contained and I’ve learned to function in spite of, or alongside of the intensity when I can’t breathe and my nerves are screaming along under my skin. But this Odyssey of Love keeps the love alive; not only the love I shared with Handsome Husband but the love that I receive from my loved ones and those I meet on the road.
I was told by one of my friends I met along the way, when I mentioned to him about wanting dreds, that the process of dredding can be a spiritual experience. One strand of hair lacks strength and can be easily broken, he said, but dreds are about joining the strands and creating a thickness to them that can’t be broken. The many strengthen the one.
Getting these dreds are symbolic to me in many ways. They are a symbol to me of this new life that I’m stepping into without Handsome Husband. A life I don’t want, a life that feels removed from me emotionally, but a life nonetheless. And they symbolize what has happened and continues to happen, in this Odyssey of Love. Each strand of my hair represents each of you, my loved ones and you whom I meet on the road; you who give me hugs or thumbs up or waves and encourage me for one more mile. You are the strands woven together that strengthen me daily. You are part of this spiritual quest that I undertook to honor my husband, connect with him again on the open road, and create this new life.
I honor each of you and each strand of hair woven into the other this Friday will carry an intention from me to you that your lives be as blessed with love as mine has been, past and present.
These aren’t dredlocks. These are Lovelocks.
January 13, 2012.