Here and Now.

198707_10150332665690400_6289166_n(from Rachael)

Day breaks and the rain falls. Quiet movement and stirring sets the tone. I wish to stay in bed today. There is so much to be done- not just today, but from every moment beyond this one. It can feel overwhelming and I wonder if I will ever have the focus to move forward. Music brings inspiration and reflection, but to what end? So many thoughts, processes, intentions, feelings…disconnection, missing-ness, wonder. Writing is cathartic. I’m feeling it all. In this moment. Right here. Right now.

I find myself often wanting to not participate in the world. It seems easier not to. I have created an entire existence in my mind- one that is blissful, and magical, and beautiful. Trying to figure out the way to bring it outside of myself and into my external reality. What will it take? I can close my eyes and see it so clearly. But I open my eyes and it disappears. To the outside world these words must seem like a jumbled mess, but to me they speak perfectly. They are my inner workings. They are the poetry of my soul. They are the longing of my desires.

I’m inside and out. I’m light and dark. Lazy. Passionate. Full of love. Full of despair. The air I breathe comes in shallow at times, until I give it attention, and then it fills me as deeply as the deepest and largest of lakes. And when I take that breath I am reminded of the simplicity of life. The world never ceases to amaze me. Humans sharing their love from the very depths of their beings. The light that shines upon this magnificent earth is luminous. It fills me in a way that I recognize as miraculous. Of course. How else could it be? Everything about my existence, your existence, is perfect. Just the way I am and just the way you are.

Here and now. This is all there is.

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2 thoughts on “Here and Now.

  1. Beautifully written.  You shared how I feel too.  I have just not been able to put it into words.  I lost my husband near 13 years ago in November.  It doesn’t hurt as much as it did years ago, and I can think of Ron in a much more peaceful way, but it is still there; and I wonder when I am going to get unstuck.  With the Brave Girl’s Club, found on the web and a great, positive bunch of women who are very supportive, I am facing some of those feelings now and becoming stronger each day with baby steps and set backs.     Thank you for your words today.  They meant a lot.    I am enjoying following your travels.   You were so close in New Hampshire.  Wish I had seen your pink trailer.   Peace, love

    Wendy Nixon, Lee, NH    

  2. Hi Rachael! I love these thoughts and feel this way often. The yin and the yang – the push and the pull and appreciate the reminder that our existence is perfect as it is. I think of you and your mom from time to time and hope you’re doing well. Am sending a query off today about hoop yogini and quoting you from the interview we had while you were here in Salem. If it takes, and I’m manifesting that (you can envision it too if you care to) then I’ll get back with you for some more salient details. Take care!

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