They seek me out. I’ve no need to find a psychic or a medium and pay for them to fish in my life in order to give me reassurances about Handsome Husband or what I’m doing. Not that I’ve ever been tempted; I’m actually kind of suspicious of anyone who receives payment in return for telling us about our loved ones. Not that I have a problem with the entrepreneurial spirit at all-it’s just that in the case of psychics, I always figure that they’re very good with reading people and cast out such generalities that someone in the audience is bound to connect.
Here’s the thing. Since I began this Odyssey of Love, following Handsome Husband’s death, there have been people I would term either intuitives, or actual angels (sometimes), who have sought me out, and the things they tell me leave me, most often, breathless with their accuracy.
My daughter and I are in Key West and while wandering Duval St yesterday, we chanced upon a shop and entered on a whim to browse. She quickly found a few articles of clothing that are perfect for hooping and went to the dressing room while I continued to check the racks. The proprietor, (Leslie by name, as we discovered), had been very friendly, bidding us hello as we came into her shop. But nothing more, really.
As I moved hangars around on the rack, Leslie, who was standing not far from me, looked over at me and said You’ve been through a devastating change recently, haven’t you? I was startled and didn’t reply immediately and she went on to say You know you’re okay, don’t you? Even though you don’t feel as if you are. You’re okay. And whatever it is that you’re doing, you need to continue doing it. You’re on the right path.
She spoke to me for maybe another 20 minutes and I said nothing. Really there was nothing for me to say; I was just trying to take it all in. At one point I almost reached for Rae’s hand to steady myself because there was a buzzing sound in my ears and I was actually seeing stars dance in front of my eyes. Ultimately, I told her of my husband’s death and my Odyssey of Love and showed her a picture of my rig. She was more than ever convinced of her message to me. She told me (paraphrasing) that she had become aware of the energy around me when I entered her shop and felt compelled to speak to me and tell me what she did. We left the store after an hour, with my head still reeling. I didn’t seek her out. I solicited nothing. No money exchanged hands. I’d never seen her before.
Last year as I made my way along the FL Gulf coast, as I took a break from driving at a Target store, an employee in the women’s section complimented me on my pink shirt and this led into a discussion of the color pink and my rig, etc. We weren’t too far into the conversation when she took both my hands in hers and very earnestly said to me I have the ability to see things, and I want you to know that you are surrounded by angels. They are all around you.
I’ve already written of the woman I met in NJ last year who, having no knowledge of my life, of Handsome Husband (other than to know that he had died and we’d traveled together), took my hands and looked directly into my eyes and said He wants me to tell you that he wouldn’t leave you without a road map. And many other things that were…well…true.
I don’t know what to think about any of this, except to say that, as Handsome Husband was in hospice, I knew that something big was going on. Not just his death, as huge as that was, and is. But something bigger than his death and the grief that ran with it. I termed it as something magical because I didn’t know what other word to use.
All I know, since he died, all I believe in, is that he and I were very much in love and I have to believe that the love is still present and that is what fuels me each and every day as I drive this Odyssey for him. Meeting the people I have, being approached by messengers, the affirmations I receive from them, the messages they deliver to me, at no prompting from me…that is the magic and I can’t explain it but I know, I know, and I know, that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t have much money and I wonder if I should fret and worry about it running out, as it will soon, and I’m new to this full-time trailer life-style, and there is so much that could freak me out. And yet, it doesn’t. I don’t know why; I’ve always worried about money. Always. Except now. Not because I think money will magically appear in front of me, but because I know that this Odyssey is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing and it will be okay somehow.
Our younger son, Fireman Nick, when I told him about yesterday, said to me, Ma, Pop said he wouldn’t leave you without a road map and he never broke his word.
This type of thing never happened to me prior to Handsome Husband’s death. Never. But even I can’t ignore that, in this Odyssey of Love, magic is very much afoot. Somehow.
Love. Grief. Magic. The open road…to what?