*The views expressed herein reflect only my views and not that of the management. They do not identify any one person but are meant to educate those who care to be educated*
We’re a society that must, at all times, be positive. We must be upbeat and look to the future with hope. Anything less is unacceptable. Right?
What is the proper response when someone tells me you must be positive look on the bright side be grateful? As this is being said to me, my husband’s cremains are hanging in a small orb around my neck and his wedding ring is on my finger. On the back of my neck is a tattoo in his memory. Another one decorates the inside of my left wrist, where his first cancer showed itself.
Do you know that when you tell me these things it negates my grief? It negates a very real human experience that must be gone through to get through. And it doesn’t help in the least for me to hear that because what I’m hearing you say is that I must not grieve. Thankfully, I have the confidence now to realize that what you are actually saying is that you are the one with the problem, that you are ill-equipped to deal with any depth of feeling other than, you know, the good stuff.
It isn’t a matter of being positive any more than it is a matter of being negative. I don’t place judgements on myself or my grief and I request that you refrain also. Grief is grief and it is normal and natural and there is no time limit for it. We each grieve our particular relationship and we grieve it as we lived the relationship.
This is not only about me, dear readers. This is about me and everyone else who grieves. You don’t need to fix this with empty words. You can’t fix this with words or anything else. Grief is an internal unweaving and unraveling and untangling of life as it has been.
But you can sit with. You can offer a hug. You can listen. You can ask questions about the one who died and not be fearful of causing tears. Sit with the tears, sit with love and receive with love.
This is what you can do.