Living the After~

Living in the after
My heart in the before
My passion in the before
Most of me, really, in the before
I don’t know how to be
In this after
I don’t know how to love life
In this after
All of me resides in the before
Because nothing seems to matter
In this after
Memories of Love
Of being held
Lightness of being
Instead of this heaviness
In this after
This low-grade buzz in my
Heart body mind soul
A buzz that aches with remembering
The before
In this after
How does one be
What one was before
In this after?
There is a great and yawning chasm
Between the before and the after
That echoes the great and yawning emptiness
Of my being
In this after
And it is in that emptiness
that who I was who I am who I might be could be don’t want to be but must be
in that emptiness of space and unknowing and missing-ness and uncertainty and dislocation and disorientation and remembering and hurting and wondering and standing still while moving…
There…right there….is where I reside
In this after
So very unlike the before~

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