These Few Words~

 

I will sing you to me…..

These words curve around my lower right leg, from knee to ankle.

My 3rd tattoo.  My first one says nothin’ but love, our credo in hospice.  Those words swirl in a circle on the back of my neck, with the circle ending in a small heart, and the circle is left open.  As my heart must be in this new life without him.

My second one simply says Love, and is on the inside of my left wrist, in the exact location where the tumor I named Wilson, first showed up on Chuck.  It took a 11-hour surgery and 4 reconstructive surgeries afterwards to rid ourselves of Wilson and reconstruct Chuck’s arm.  His right thigh looked like hamburger when they were through.

Each of my tattoos carry special meaning, as all tattoos must.

But…my 3rd tattoo…

Chuck and I both enjoyed watching the movie Australia; a movie set in pre-WW2 Australia, dealing both with the invasion by the Japanese, and the kidnapping of mixed race Aboriginal children from their parents.  The kids were sent to orphanages where they were taught white ways. 

One of the most charming characters in the movie is a little boy named Nullah, a mixed-race boy, taken in by the character of Nicole Kidman.  The two are separated, in the movie, by the kidnapping of Nullah.  As she stands on the pier, desperately trying to keep him with her…as he is taken away to an island for orphans, he says to her I will sing you to me.

And she responds and I will hear you…

In our Happily Homeless travels, Chuck and I visited the huge bike rally in Sturgis, South Dakota.  We didn’t go there specifically for it, but it was going on when we were there, and we walked around and admired the bikes and fell in love with the state.

In the second year after his death, my daughter, Rachael-Grace, went on the road with me for 6 months, supporting me in my Odyssey of Love.  We crisscrossed the USA, and, in the process, ended up in Sturgis, SD, and, again, happened upon the Sturgis bike rally.

South Dakota is home to Crazy Horse National Monument, one of the places Chuck and I visited together, and the final place he’d asked me to return to, to scatter his cremains.

Rae created a beautiful ritual at Crazy Horse, and was the one to scatter her dad’s cremains there.  And then we walked around Sturgis.  Which is where I found the tattoo artist who created my 3rd tattoo.  I’d told him about our Love story, about my Odyssey of Love, and though I didn’t know when I first got there to SD what my tattoo would look like, the words came to me as I walked about, and he did a quick sketch.  Unfortunately, the cost was too much for me to justify, and I was honest with him about that.  Another of the artists, who had listened in to my story, told me that he thought I really needed to get the tattoo there…it was the last place Chuck had named, after all, and given the words I wanted, it was perfect. So, he offered to pay for half, stunning me.

I will sing you to me….

Words spoken in the movie Australia, among the Aboriginals, when saying goodbye to a loved one, with no idea whether that one will be seen again.  Words of hope for the future, maybe…

I’ve no idea whether this phrase, and the concept behind it, are true to the Aboriginals or not.  I honestly don’t care; the idea of the words touched my heart years ago, and they touch my heart now.  And I seek comfort where I can find it.

I will sing you to me…

These words that wind around my calf speak of my wish to believe, even as I struggle with believing, that I will see Chuck again someday.  Somehow, maybe, he will greet me when I die.  Maybe.

Meanwhile, in this life that I must live without him, maybe I can sing him to me in my heart, by living the Love he left behind, by reaching out with kindness, in service to others. 

I will sing him to me…

And the other half of the meaning of those words for me?

Maybe, maybe, maybe, I will sing my future to me even as I live each moment without him, as I continue this Odyssey of Love.  The future that I still don’t want, that I don’t care about, but one that seems as if it must be lived for all the days of my life until my own death.

I hold these words to me, written as clearly on my heart as they are written on my calf.

I will sing you to me…

 

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8 thoughts on “These Few Words~

  1. My searching servant, my God would say to you, you are now on the right track. Through your self searching, you are arriving. It is truly about love. Giving yourself to others as a messenger of what you need and letting the higher authority guide your step is what He wants us to do. As a Star Wars clichque, May the Force be with you. Diane from Key West when we first met years ago.

    • Oh, Diane, I’ve never forgotten you, you may be certain. I was thinking today of the first year of my Odyssey, curious about what I remember and what I just don’t, and I know I was in much of a fog. But I remember the people, and I hold you close from the brief time we met. And though I’ve never been a Star Wars person, I DID watch a special about Leonard Nimoy last night, created by his son, and they explained how it came about that Spock would say “Live Long and Prosper”…and I loved hearing the back story. So I say that now to you, Diane, as it really is just a beautiful blessing~

  2. Wow – I love this post! I’ve been to chicken to get a tattoo but it’s on my list. The saying ‘I will sing you to me’ is just so profound and layered. Even in your writing you are, indeed, singing him to you through your words which inspire others. Keep writing, keep hoping and keep sharing. Blessings!

    • I never thought myself to be one to get anything as long lasting as a tattoo, but the words and the moment were right for each of them, and they serve as reminders to me, that maybe, possibly, hopefully, yes, I will see Chuck again, and, in the meanwhile, Love lives on. Thank you for your words to me; I’d never considered that, when I write, I am not only writing to expunge my grief, but very much keeping Chuck alive, and yes, singing him to me. Blessings in return~

  3. So very beautiful! My anniversaries are your anniversaries… both our husbands went away a few months apart. I get inspiration from your writings. Though I have moved on and found added happiness in my life, I will never forget my love. I will sing him to me!!!!!! ❤️❤️

  4. Alison, I usually just read your posts & don’t write any feedback. I just “bear witness” if you will. This entry is somehow different. I want to say something, but feeling the feeling of what you are living with/without is all I have…no words. I feel it. I get it. Hopefully, you will get that & hopefully it will be enough (enough from me that is).

    As you work, as you live each day, as you lay awake just before sleep takes over…keep on singing, keep on singing Chuck to you – he WILL hear you.

    Sometimes I feel lost & at times I don’t know what to believe about a lot of things, but of this, (that Chuck will indeed hear you), I am sure.

    • Your words touch my heart. I remind myself of his last words to me every night before I sleep. I listen to his last message to me, and I hope beyond any hope, that he is right…that he and I WILL see each other again. Thank you for seeing me, for bearing witness~

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