A Breath Away~

You are so far away now.

6 years away.

A lifetime away.

A moment away.

But a moment that is memory rather than feeling.

Remembrance.

I stare at your picture,

At pictures of you and I together,

And I look at all the pictures in the years since you left,

I almost wonder…

Which ones are real?

You and I, passionate together, 

Or me, alone, passionate in a different way,

At a different level,

That passion that peaks when I speak of you, dream of you, write of you, live for you.

Alone, there is mostly just a vast emptiness 

that reflects your absence. 

How is it possible for your absence to feel as strongly binding as your presence once did?

In the beginning, in the horror filled new years of without you,

my mind took me to and from and back and forth and up and down and inside out,

As I strove to make sense of me walking this earth alone.

Now, in this just past 6th year,

I wonder no longer.

About any of it.

I may see you again. I may not. I am in pain. I am empty.

I miss you with a dull throbbing, even as I strive to live this life of color and travel trailers and open roads and new friends and fading memories and daily challenges.

Oh my dearest Love…

My dearest Love…

You are me and I am you and your Love is me and I am both of us and I…

I carry our story.

I carry us, now.

Oh, my dearest Love…

4 thoughts on “A Breath Away~

  1. Thursday was 10 years for me. I ignored it, distracted myself, but then Friday something innocuous happened that made me question my own sanity, and relevance. Will it be forever thus…?

    • I’m at 7 now, sue, and I wonder frequently at my lack of energy or focus. I think I’ve come to realize that it may always be thus, and I’m working on just letting it be. Yours is a good question…

  2. Hi. I can so relate to the love you describe of your husband. I lost my husband on April 29th of this year. It is unimaginable at times. I still can’t believe I am a “widow.” I love reading your posts and I can identify with your pain, and so many more emotions you talk about. Take good care! Love and light!

    • Sheri, we are days apart in days, and years apart in time. Connected because we each know this grief. I’m touched that the words I write bring, maybe, at least, an ease of recognition to your heart so that you know you don’t walk alone. Many others walk with you, even though you must feel very alone. Let me know how you’re doing as you live your days, ok? Walking with you ❤

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