Softly Spoken~

Stay with me, my beloved husband.
Don’t leave me.
I don’t want to be without you in this life.
Words uttered only in my heart as my hand gently touched your forehead.
As my hand glided over your cheekbones, sharpened by cancer.
As my two hands wrapped around your fingers, stroking your knuckles. 733925_10152250642650400_2024366887_n
Remembering the strength of your hand wrapped around mine in our lifetime together.
As your spirit slowly faded away from me.
Rest easy, my Love.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for showing me how to love.
I will always remember you.
I will make sure that every person I ever meet from here on
Will hear your name from my lips.
Hear who you were to me.
Who I was to you,
And who we were to each other.
I will always remember you.
I’ll always be okay.
I promise.
Just let yourself rest, my beloved.
You are loved.
Slip away when it’s time for you to go.
It’s okay for you to go.
You are loved.
Eyes filled with Love as lips spoke these words aloud.
How could I wish for you to linger on when you were so spent?
So I spoke words that I hoped you would hear even as you traveled on without me.
Words to reassure you,
Words that shattered my heart, 12932923_1006554602732807_3717615266670319827_n
As the very air around us changed and Time ticked minutes and then seconds,
And sacred beauty filled the room,
Even as tears fell.
Where are you, my beloved?
Where did you go?
I don’t know where you are.
You know where I am.
Come find me.
I will wish you into being, as I travel on without you.
Perhaps if I yearn desperately enough for you,
You will return…
Stay with me, my beloved husband.
Don’t ever leave me.
I can’t bear to be without you.
Place your hands upon my shoulders.
Wrap your left behind Love around me.
Let your spirit shine within me. IMG_1745
Let your Love beat strongly in my own heart
Add it to the Love I had for you,
And let our combined Love shimmer and shine so extravagantly
That the world must stop in wonder and awe.
Be with me, my beloved husband,
As I live on, for both of us.
I love you.
I was loved by you.
I carry you with me and within me.
Your Love, my Love, our Love, is my armor. 33384992_1687491431305784_6535730087411580928_n
Chuck Dearing
April 21, 2013
11:21 pm

5 thoughts on “Softly Spoken~

  1. Allison….You sent me into tears. Those words…all.of them…I have spoken…and continue to speak. I am 13 months out and continue to be a prisoner of missingness. I am emotionally plagued by the feeling that if I could only go to places we went together ( some of which aren’t there anymore), I would find him there, waiting for me, and I could be happy again. The loss, the loneliness, the desire….the missingness. I know you understand all of this. Love, Suze

    • I understand your words at a deep level, Suze, and my heart aches for you in these early days. I’ve had the opportunity, as I drive my Odyssey of Love, to revisit the places Chuck and I were, and it’s painful and hard and glorious and beautiful, all at the same time. I’ve not had the feeling, ever, that Chuck is still with me, externally, but as I’ve lived these years without him, I’ve come to know that who he was to me, and who I was to him, lives within me and in my spirit. His words echo in my head, his Love lives on, and will live on, forever. May you be blessed, Suze, as you navigate your way through this. May we all be blessed~

  2. Heartfelt and beautifully written. I relived the last hours of my own husband’s departure from this Earth and you captured what I was feeling. He was ill for a long time and was tired; he told me it was time and we cried and hugged and said goodbye.

    • Those moments…all the moments that lead up to such a moment… are so hard, so painful, so filled with Love. Because that’s what it all really is, isn’t it? I wish you grace and comfort, Terry, as you hold your own husband, your own memories, close within your heart~

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