Our Moonlit Dance Through Time~

We danced under the moonlit, starlit, skies
You and I
Your right arm around my back, your left hand grasping mine.
We turned and swayed and moved our feet not only to the music from the player
but to the hushed beat of our two hearts.
Under the starlit skies in our backyard.
Everywhere and nowhere
For no reason and every reason
Our bodies moving so well together
Even when it looked like we were walking side by side
We were actually dancing
Because we were so in sync
You, on my right side because you had hearing loss in your right ear
I still keep my right hand free when I walk
Just in case
Maybe….maybe someday I’ll feel your hand take mine again
We moved and swayed together for 24 years
In passion, in motion, in love, in sync
That space on my right side?
There is a gaping emptiness there that is as tangible as your physical presence once was
And my physical body reaches towards that emptiness
Only to find air
And I think it just kind of remains suspended there
Not knowing where to go or how to go, differently
I don’t know how to go, differently.
But I move and I sway sometimes
In my memory
Under moonlit skies I raise my hand to your shoulder and place my right hand in yours
Universes and stars and moonlit darkness gleam as our dance floor
And I spirit dance with you~  Collaccge

Woman Under Construction

(from Rachael)

10526022_10153196416085400_8522764871573335025_nThe deep orange of the setting sun resonates with me this evening. My soul feels full of many questions, bits of anxiety, and flutters in the pit of my being. I find myself in a state of wonder. It comes most strongly each morning as I stand in the shower- which is no surprise to me as most of my thoughts seem to flow with the flow of the water. Also not surprising is the nervousness that accompanies these words- it’s palpable. These moments cause me to want to hide in a dark space as I try and understand it all. I am unwinding- knowing that there will soon be a time when I unfurl myself completely. It is ridden with excitement, curiosity, and fear of what is to become.

As I write these cryptic words I find it a challenge to fully express what resides in me, but know they must find a way to be written for they are words that my soul intuitively knows. They come through in the quiet noise that I often listen for. The stillness that graces moments of my surrounding chaos causes everything to slow- as if there was a world within a world. I observe these moments with acute awareness. This space is a fantastical world where everything and nothing exists- a place of listening, waiting, and discovery.

I want so desperately to live out loud, more passionately, and more colorfully. These depths are rising to the surface and I sense that they can no longer be ignored. My shift is happening. The flashes and waves are becoming more consistent. My soul is being flooded with a longing for something more…and yet the image conjured in my mind- an image of uprooting everything known for everything unknown leaves a sense of drowning.

And yet…

Things that once seemed incomprehensible flicker with foreign possibility. My roots are digging into the earth for nourishment. My soul burns, gathering courage to live into something wild. I am being stripped naked. I believe that life will continue to nudge me into being the most raw, beautiful, and authentic woman that I am capable of being. I believe that the universe will conspire to make sure I see all of the signs necessary for me to blossom and burst forth in such a way that love is the only way of being.

I am a woman under construction. It’s messy, takes a lot of work, there are multiple layers, and things will shift, crack, and break, but in the end I believe it will be quite a spectacular masterpiece.

Stay tuned…

Allow me to introduce myself…

ImageMy name is Rachael. I am Alison’s daughter, or KamaHooptra, as most of you may know me. Handsome Husband (as most of you know him) was my dad. I miss him dearly- everyday. The stories of my parents travels, my dad’s time in hospice, and his death, have been told. You have all carried them/us in your love and support over the years. I was there when my dad died. Witnessing him take his last breath was the most horrific, sacred, and humbling experience of my life, thus far. I hated every moment and yet, wouldn’t change it for anything.

This is my first blog post since the Happily Homeless/MoonStruck blending, and it won’t be my last. My presence here will continue to grow stronger as it evolves. It didn’t start out this way. We were both happy going about our separate ways. My parents (well, my mom mostly- my dad really just wanted to be retired!) traveled about as Happily Homeless, documenting their adventures. MoonStruck was an idea that my mom and I started together, but I was the primary one behind the scenes. And as you all know by now, that has changed. Life had a plan of its own, so here we are- a couple of FWG’s learning how to maneuver through this vast new ocean.

In less than a month, I will join the rankings of Happily Homeless, but this time with a twist. I will take my place next to my mom in the newly restored Pink Magic, and we will hit the road together for 6 months (with the intention to not hit a deer again, or any other animal for that matter!). Most people hear about what we are doing and think it’s wonderful and amazing. Other people look at me like I have two heads- “I love my mom, but there is no way I could travel with her for that long!” “Your husband is going to let you be away for 6 months?” “You’re going to be offering what?” Here’s the thing- my mom and I are great friends. Like, the best. She was my maid-of-honor in my wedding. People who used to call our house often got us mixed up. My dad always swore that we were a couple of witches (in the best terms of course). We both love pink and glitter. We have the same sense of humor. We share clothes- minus pants, as I have a number of inches on her. We gossip and chat like two girlfriends who have known each other for lifetimes. So yes, we will be fine. As for the husband thing- my husband doesn’t “let” me do anything. We have a discussion, and come to an agreed upon decision. He knows if I really want to do something, I am going to do it- and vice versa. He has been wonderfully supportive of this venture from day one. Yes, it will be a challenge to spend so much time apart, but we will make it work because that’s just who we are. And finally, FWG workshops, blessing ways, and moon circles seem like a foreign concept to some, but to us they are things we feel driven to offer. They will connect us with (mostly) women across the country, and will continuing spreading our love story. We were given so much during our time in hospice and it is now our wish to give back.

This entire partnership as Happily Homeless and MoonStruck, and as mother and daughter, is a mission of love. It can’t NOT be. Our time together will be filled with laughter, tears, storytelling, dancing, grieving, magic making, and adventure. And it will absolutely extend beyond these upcoming 6 months together. I look forward to seeing how our relationship deepens. I look forward to seeing how my relationship with myself deepens. I am not the same woman I was before my father died. I can’t be. I now allow myself to sit in the shadows when I need, I love more fiercely, and I speak more freely. It is my desire to unfurl magic and light into the darkest corners of the universe. And I am more determined than ever to leave my mark of love on this planet.

Will you join me?

 

Happily Homeless is Moonstruck. Are You?

The weeks since March 27, the day I took my most beloved husband to the ER in southern CA, have been a Retrospective-the final travels of Happily Homeless.  It was gut-wrenching, re-living those days but I found a little more balance with hindsight and I’m glad I sifted through the memories in pictures and words.  Present over everything, seeping into the nooks and crannies of that experience, was the fullness of love.  For Handsome Husband, from Handsome Husband.   I still have questions but there is a little bit more of letting go of needing to find the answers, some of the anger around it, and even some of the questions and doubts.

The story of Happily Homeless.  How a man and a woman, children grown and out of the house, decided to sell house and belongings, get out of the rat race and adventure together.  A love story, perfect for us.  Four years on the road together, learning about this country, learning more about each other, fighting at times, loving always, dancing in Death Valley, watching the moon rise over all the lower 48’s, dealing with a first cancer successfully, and getting right back on the road, continuing on until the very end and then bringing Nothin’ but Love to him as a second cancer killed him.  A Once Upon a Time Love Story of me and Handsome Husband.

Here I am now, in Arizona, with a broken heart that somehow hasn’t killed me.  A life that is 100% changed except for the Love that he left behind.  And a mission to fulfill his final request of scattering his cremains at our favorite places from our 4 years of travel.

I return to the road full-time on June 20 in my PinkMagic rig.  My T@b trailer has been fitted out inside as a sanctuary at the end of the day.   Yet to be added on the outside front are the letters “FWG” in raspberry pink.  The polite meaning of those letters is “fierce Warrior Goddess”, for those of you who might be offended by what it really means to me-“Fucking Warrior Goddess”.  Because that’s what I am now.

I won’t be alone as I return to the road.  Our younger daughter, Kamahooptra, will travel with me on what we are calling our 2014 Nothin’ But Love Tour.

Here’s the big announcement, dear readers.  Happily Homeless is merging with Moonstruck, the business born of the Love left behind by the man who was my husband and her dad.   Happily Homeless is the story.  Moonstruck is the telling of that story and the love that has grown and rippled out in furious waves since his death.

What is Moonstruck?  How’s this for an explanation?  Moonstruck is a trailblazing, kick-ass, mom/daughter duo on an extraordinary mission of love that will inspire you, challenge you, and, just maybe, change your life.

Our face book page will stay the same, with a slight name change.  All will be easily accessible to you so that you can follow our adventures.  Believe me, the Happily Homeless story is only going to get bigger.  We’re going to make our mark on this country.  The story of this Odyssey of Love is going to draw in more people as Kamahooptra and I travel.  We’ll be blogging together and separately, updating you daily, posting pictures as we travel first north and west, then north, turning right to head to the upper West, south to Colorado, east to Indiana, NJ and New England, then south along the Atlantic coast to Key West, then along the Gulf coast to return to Arizona sometime next year.  Along the way we’ll offer workshops, blessingways, moon circles, videos about ritual, about where we are and what we’re seeing, and yes, what its like traveling as mom and daughter in this magical PinkMagic rig.

My life of travel with Handsome Husband is what prepared me to be able to do this.  This, the next year out on the road, is where I’ll find him again.  Re-visiting our favorite places, fulfilling his final wishes, carrying the story, spreading the Love..its where he’ll find me too.  As he told me he would.

You don’t want to miss this.  I promise, as you travel along with me and my daughter, you are in for an eye-opening ride of a lifetime.  10151125_642655059122765_1247848368_n