Return To Me~

Return to me…
Please come back…
Return to me, with your strong arms
That wrapped round me…
And made me feel safe and secure
No matter what was going on around us.
Return to me, with your broad shoulders
Upon which I rested my head
And listened to your heartbeat…
Until our breathing became one breath and I felt reassured and knew, always,
That my world was good, and would always be good
Because you were in it.
Return to me…
With your smile that lit up my world
And brightened my days
Even if we were on the phone and you were far away
I’d feel your smile and…
My world was serene.
Return to me…
With your green eyes that would catch mine across a crowded room
And the one would crinkle in a slow wink
Meant only for me…
A wink that carried promises of passion and flirtation and teasing
And my heart would grow giddy and butterflies flutter in my stomach.
Return to me…
Take my hand in yours again, wrap your fingers around mine…
Return to me, my beloved
I beg of you…
Hold me, touch me, love me, dance with me, put your hand upon my knee, kiss me, envelop me.
My body longs for you
My heart beats for you
My mind wanders to you and me and what we had…
My pulse is your pulse…
And I die inside a little each day, that I don’t have you any longer…
That you don’t have me any longer…
That we are gone and it is just me here on this earth…
Return to me, my beloved…

Crossing the Finish Line of Cancer moments…

So yesterday marked Handsome Husband’s final surgery.  Earlier in the week, he had his appointment with Dr Lackman, who gave him the news we were anticipating-that he is, once again, cancer free.  And yesterday, Dr Kovach did the final debulking.  That sounds like such a heavy word-and my translation of it, into civilian terms, is this:  Dr Kovach hinged open one side of Handsome Husband’s wrist, took a rubber mallet,

tamped everything back in, closed the wrist, and used a sander to get it down to more normal size.  That is totally a non-medical explanation, but you got an image of it, didn’t you?  Where Wilson resided is no more! Yay and celebratory fireworks etc!  Due to a national shortage (who knew?) of a particular anesthesia, they had to use a new one, and were, additionally, unable to do an arm block, so used general.  Which is all well and good, but it gave Handsome Husband the one really negative experience of all of this, in that he had negative after effects of incredible loopiness (my official term), and nausea.  (Anytime I say that word, I hear Jerry Lewis saying it in one of his early movies with Dean Martin (nah-zee-uh)…)

Because we’re staying in lodging at MAFB, it took us a good while (good meaning long distance, not that we enjoyed it!) to get back, in rush hour Philly traffic.  Two and a half hours specifically, leaving me more convinced than ever to NOT live on a coast, East or West, again.  And all was going pretty well through the evening, until I started getting some major pains resulting from my last week’s D&C, which was, of itself, a result of an ablation that hasn’t quite worked out the way I hoped.  Major pain that was like labor all over again (if I’d known what labor pain was like prior to having kids, I swear I wouldn’t have had kids, bless their hearts and I’m glad and all that NOW, but, yeah, wouldn’t do it again without equally major drugs, as in tune me out and wake me when they’re 18).  In any case, those pains and a sudden gushing of, pardon me for getting graphic here but its’ my blog and I’m trying to be honest here, blood, sent me post-haste to the bathroom, which quickly assumed the appearance of a murder scene and there should have been some of that crime scene tape surrounding me.  Yikes and all that!  And then the pains started, and, let me just say, holy Christopher, they continued on and on and…on and on.  Picture this:  me writhing on the bed in pain, moaning, and Handsome Husband, still looped out of his mind from anesthesia, opening cabinets and drawers throughout the room, desperately searching for the lovely pain meds the ER dr gave me at an earlier visit (yeah, that happened too).  And, once said pills were located,


and ingested, only to take a frickin’ lifetime to do their job, him insisting that he could drive me to the ER, which is where I happily would have situated myself and accepted every modern pain medication known to man.  Bless his heart, one of the beauties of his surgery medication was that he thought he was thinking sense, talking sense, and making sense, but I, even while having my insides shredded, could recognize that, yeah, he was out-of-it in a way that left him inoperable, and incapable, in a big way, of operating a can opener, never mind a car.  He loves me dearly, that man, and would move heaven and earth to get me to where the pain was no longer present, and I love him dearly in return, but I was in no way getting in a car with him, and I couldn’t move myself out of a fetal position in any case, to walk to the car.  Yeah, we were a pair last night…

Things are better today-Handsome Husband is present and accounted for, in mind and body.  I’m on pain meds, and I like it that way, until I see the dr tomorrow.  This is absurd and ridiculous, all the dr appointments we’re scheduling.  Is this our future as we get older?  And what’s next-pastel clothing, velcro sneakers and black wrap around sunglasses?  Golf carts to get us around our senior citizen complex in god’s waiting room, aka Florida?  (because we are headed to Florida at the end of the month).  No, no, no-repeat many times over!  We’re getting back on our feet, and our adventures will continue-there is a country out there to yet see-

The good news-cancer is gone, Handsome Husband has his arm “back” again, life is good.  And I had a way too intense a time remembering back to when I went through labor, so I’m incredibly thankful that I can no longer have babies!   Our lives, me and Handsome Husband, are going to get back on track from this moment on.  The best is ahead of us~